Wanted: New Running Partner

Must be reliable, with similar time slots available to run. Must be faster than I am, in order to push me into running faster. Must be mean enough not to slow down for me, even when I am lagging behind on uphills or when I am tired. Must be willing to be a bad influence, forcing me to run even when I know I should rest. Must be worse than I am at resting. Must also be able to tell jokes and interesting stories, both related and unrelated to triathlon while running and willing to run in all sorts of weather. Must also be willing to bike, swim, lift weights, stretch or participate in other sports. A willingness to try new, seemingly stupid things, like races involving long hours, long, steep unhills, cold water, mud and long drives. Must be willing to wear ridiculous outfits to races, and there is occasional driving in inclement weather involved. Also, must be willing to listen to me go on and on about all sorts of stupid topics while running. Being able to make me feel guilty about all manner of things, including, but not limited to racing young children carrying backpacks on icy sidewalks is valuable. Please reply here. I will contact you if you seem qualified enough for an interview or trial running session.

Hangover Race

This was a really fun race.
http://xenia.unh.edu/wcrc/hangover.htm
I had second thoughts going down, I felt bad for making John drive so far, for just a 5k. We had no time to warmup, by the time we got our race numbers and went to the bathroom. The beginning of the race was just weaving through the tons of people! It was out and back. The way back was very windy but the whole race was pretty flat. According to my watch, I ran a 24:50 which is better than I have done in well over a year. According to the race results, I ran a 23:30!
http://www.coolrunning.com/results/08/ma/Jan1_27thHA_set1.shtml
I don't know where they came up with that one! On the way back, the snow was coming down hard, the roads were terrible and I felt even worse for dragging him down all that way and making him drive in those conditions. But it was a lot of fun! I sure hope John is still talking to me!
I swear I run harder sometimes in practice. I seem to have some mental thing going on during races. I am used to doing longer distances, so I am always saving something for later. I didnt even dry heave at the end of this race, in fact I sprinted in, and would have kicked it in sooner had I known how close I was to the finish! But there is something else. I am not sure what but I KNOW I can run faster. I have to get rid of the mental block somehow....